The Nanny
by IceMaidenOfLegend
Summary: She was to be cast aside eventually. It was her fate and it was as clear as day. She didn't know whether to look forward to that day or to loathe it.


The Nanny

Tamao was content. She projected an image of exuberance and joy but it was only a mirage. Being content was all that she could hope for. She would never be like other people. She would never know the happiness that the masses took for granted. A part of her heart despised them for that.

She loved Yoh. She still loved Yoh. Most of her heart was dedicated to him. The other tiny, fragmented portions belonged to Hana, Ponchi and Konchi and the blood born Asakura family. She was a rare person. She wanted to go back and change her life. Even though it meant that she would never know Hana she continually wished to go back.

Her youth was spent watching Yoh loving Anna. Nothing else mattered. That short time was burned into her mind. She would never forget watching them. She would never forget that she meant nothing to them. Her life had no meaning to either of them. She wasn't necessary at the Tournament. She wasn't necessary when it came to Hana's care. There would have been someone else they would have chosen if she hadn't existed.

She felt useless. She was the nanny. There was nothing more to her role than that. Hana would not remain in her care forever. He would love her, yes. He would also leave her. All children leave. Children, when grown, usually visit their family. He would choose Anna and Yoh to visit.

Tamao was an object. She wasn't a human. She wasn't even treated like a spirit. She was used and cast aside. Then she would be used and cast aside again. Why? She knew exactly why. She would never deny Yoh. She would always lie to him. She would say that she was 'all right'. She would agree to any request. That was all she was good for, after all.

Her personality was a lie. She grew into her current personality. For a while she was glad to be mature. She was glad to have grown up. That pleasure soon turned to pain. She and Anna were very much alike. Their personalities matched too closely.

If Yoh had met them at that stage, both similar, he would still have chosen Anna. She was just a cheap rip-off. That thought had circled her mind for years. She often dreamt of that scene. She dreamt of him and Anna walking away. She couldn't pursue them.

Hana was too much like Yoh. She always saw their similarities. The pain of seeing Yoh in Hana each and every single day was torment. She pressed on though. If she stopped fighting through the pain, if she surrendered, she would be useless to him.

She also saw Anna in Hana. Their similarities stung her. It was like thorns, encircling her heart, tightening their grip more and more. She wanted to cry at times but she never did. It was better to lie and hide behind a mask. She enjoyed her mask. It was nice to feel like someone else even though she was always conscious of the gaping hole in her heart.

Tamao didn't know what was worse. She lived for Yoh; thought of him, dreamt of him and would do anything for him. She was pitiful enough to do his bidding no matter what it was. She was taking care of the son he had with another woman. She was still clinging to him; she was clinging even more tightly than before.

Tear drops fell upon the crisp paper.

"Is something wrong, Tamao?" Konchi asked quietly.

"I was inspired again," she replied. "Remember the book I wanted to write? I'm still trying. I know where I want it to go. I'm trying to write down the description for the… for the main character… I've gotten blocked again. I should give up on this dream…"

**Author's Note: Yes, this is not particularly feminist. The thing is I'm not a feminist. The feminist's that I see on television and in the media are kind of annoying. Then again, I'm in that 'teenage angst' stage of finding everyone annoying. Ah, I'm rambling~ I'm sorry about that. This piece had a slightly personal touch for me so I didn't enjoy creating this piece that much. These stories are meant to be meaningful to me though even if meaningful is simply me enjoying the process of writing. I'm very pleased with how this turned out and I hope that you are equally as pleased with the result. This calls back to my other two Shaman King pieces. I thank you for reading my work wholeheartedly. Please accept my apology if you were less than satisfied as I will always strive to improve.**

**Part of the Revival Collection.**


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